"NO ONE CARES ANYMORE"... I AM TALKING TO MYSELF. AM I MENTALLY UNSTABLE?

Scene 1.

Sid: Hi buddy, how are you today?

Rohan: Am Okay

Sid smiles and walks away.

Rohan smiles back and continues to look into his mobile phone while moving his fingers aimlessly on the screen.

Scene 2.

Rahul: Hey Shalini, you okay, you don’t look good?

Shalini: Ya ya, am okay.

Rahul: Okay, can you, when you have time, forward me that file we spoke about yesterday

Shalini: ya sure.

Rahul goes back to his workstation

Shalini continues to stare at her blank screen.

Scene 3.

Mohit: Hello Suresh

Suresh: Hi Mohit

Mohit: What happened Suresh, you okay?

Suresh: Hey Mohit, yes am okay, why you ask?

Mohit looks at Suresh, moves closer and puts his hand around Suresh’s shoulder and says, “Come let’s grab a coffee”.

Both go to cafeteria, get their coffee and Mohit says, “Suresh let’s sit for some time and chat”.

They sit at a nearby table.

Mohit: Suresh, I know you are okay, but still talk to me. Tell me what’s troubling you.

Suresh looks at Mohit and before he could realize, his eyes are wet.

Mohit holds Suresh’s hand, gets up making Suresh to get up too and hugs him. Suresh starts crying. Mohit does not stop him but pats his back gently. After some time, Suresh calms down. Mohit asks him to sit and sip his coffee, “Suresh, my friend, am here for you and you can talk to me anytime. If you wish you can talk right now or whenever you feel comfortable.”

Suresh looks at Mohit and says, “I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I don’t feel like living any more”, and he removes a small bottle from his trouser pocket, which has sleeping pills, “I was to take these later today”, and then from his shirt pocket, Suresh removes and hands over a folded paper to Mohit… it was his suicide note.

Suresh opened up and shared what he was going through, while Mohit listened patiently. After about an hour of talking and in between crying for few times, plus two rounds of coffee, Suresh feels better and smiles at Mohit. After a pause, Suresh says, “Thank you my friend, I realize how stupid I have been and foggy in my head. Thank you for listening to me… you saved not just my life but also my family’s who are dependent on me.”

Thanks to Mohit for being sensitive towards his friend’s reaction, he saved Suresh’s life.

Many of us, in today’s fast paced life are no longer sensitive towards people’s feelings or reactions. Yes, we do greet people with whom we work or our family members and friends, but that is a mere formality, without even noticing if they received the greeting back or what did the person reply.

A simple greeting like “Hello”, “Hi”, and waiting for the response,

can actually save a life.

________________________________________________________

EMOTIONALLY: I’M DONE

MENTALLY: I’M DRAINED

SPIRITUALLY: I FEEL DEAD

PHYSICALLY: I SMILE

Mentally Unstable, Stressed, Depressed, etc, these words have become so common that we keep hearing and reading about it so often now. We hear children going through these, which was practically never the case when the Gen X, Gen Y or Baby Boomers were growing up. Why and what happened in this past decade or decade and a half that over 90% of the population today, across age groups, is suffering from some sort of mental disturbance. One can say that competition has increased, expectations have increased, life has become too fast. In the 1990’s we used to say that we are in “Jet Age”, referring to Jet Airplanes, which were recently developed then, that time and considered to be extremely fast or fastest man-made mode. But today, I think we would refer to Internet speeds like living in 5G era.

As per Wikipedia, Mental health is the level of psychological well-being or an absence of mental illness. It is the state of someone who is "functioning at a satisfactory level of emotional and behavioural adjustment.

There are many who do not realize that they are suffering from some sort of stress or depression or mental instability. Most people believe that mental health conditions are rare and “happen to someone else." In fact, mental health conditions are common and widespread. Infact most families are not prepared to cope with learning their loved one has a mental illness. It can be physically and emotionally trying and can make them feel vulnerable to the opinions and judgments of others. For people who have mental illnesses, their brains have changed in a way in which they are unable to think, feel, or act in ways they want to. For some, this means experiencing extreme and unexpected changes in mood – like feeling more sad or worried than normal. For others, it means not being able to think clearly, not being able to communicate with someone who is talking to them or having bizarre thoughts to help explain weird feelings they are having.

Let me ask you few basic:

1. Have you in recent past been unusually irritable, hypersensitive or had unusual angry outburst?
2. Lost interest in daily activities, which otherwise you enjoyed engaging in.
3. Have you lately withdrawn emotionally?
4. Do you have trouble in sleeping?
5. Have you had aggression or violent outbursts?
6. Do you have difficulty in concentrating or memorizing things?
7. Have you been suffering from headaches, loss of appetite, unusual pains in different parts of body?
8. Have you been behaving recklessly like rash driving/riding, listening to loud music, gambling etc.

If your answer to any of the above is ‘YES’, then my dear friend, you too are a victim of this new disease called Mentally Unstable. And you are not alone, so that’s one solace. Now that we have identified about our condition and acknowledged it, that’s the first brave step. Second brave step is to seek help without feeling ashamed or nervous or thinking of being judged as “WEAK”. Reach out to a professional or a friend or family member. Remember if and when someone reaches out to you, be there for them, that’s the simplest thing to do, but very very critical. No one is looking for answers here, and you are NOT expected to provide any solution. Yours is the easiest job…to LISTEN, yes just listen to them and allow them to talk. Provide a safe and non-judgmental space for conversations. Don’t stop them from talking and crying. Hold their hand or give them a friendly hug and keep acknowledging with an occasional nod.

Human touch has magic, it has healing powers, for the touch connects our souls.

Remember untreated depression can not only trigger problems in relationships, concentrating in school or at work, but it can also cause severe health problems like heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, cancer, even death by suicide or nervous breakdown.

Few symptoms to identify a nervous breakdown are;

• depressive symptoms, such as loss of hope and thoughts of suicide or self-harm
• anxiety with high blood pressure, tense muscles, clammy hands, dizziness, upset stomach, and trembling or shaking
• insomnia
• hallucinations
• extreme mood swings or unexplained outbursts

Recognizing the symptoms is the key and it is important not to ignore the signs.

Besides seeking help from people, which at times may not always be possible, I believe one can self-help too by engaging in activities, which one enjoys. This will not just change your focus from the existing problem, which fogs the mind from thinking rationally, but it also helps in feeling happy, by making one forget the “challenge, life is making you face” which is causing this mental problem. Feeling happy is the key and there are many such harmless things that one can engage in, to make us feel happy from inside; like going for a long walk in the garden or on the beach, workout in a gym, running, gardening, playing with a pet, cooking, traveling, watching movies, reading, visit a friend, talking to strangers, talking with children, etc. All these will help you overcome your stress and life challenges.

Let us take couple of steps back and see what the root cause of this mental instability is. One can put down a huge list, but what I have noticed is all that narrows down to extremely basic human traits; the three basic human postulates, which are “Insecurity”, “Needs and Wants” and “Fear of the Unknown Future”. Now I am not propagating that one should follow the path of King Siddhartha who on learning about life, renounced his throne to become Gautam Buddha. No, we live in a materialistic world and we are humans who have needs and wants and responsibilities. But why have we taken up the burden of these three postulates and instead of them being our companion, which should help us progress with happiness, instead we have made them sit on our shoulders and head, whose weight is pushing us down. Why are we getting buried with their overwhelming weight? Are they more important than our happiness and human life? Why are we giving them so much importance and at what cost?

Let’s take an example. Children are under so much pressure to perform and excel in everything they do: academics, sports, extracurricular activities. Why… why are they in this race where everyone is expected to come first. Why are we quoting examples of only those who stood first or succeeded Why are we in this number game. Are we saying that those who did not come first, or who did not succeed, or those who did not participate, they are failures, or they don’t exist? No, this is a lie, which we have been telling our children and making children believe in this lie. Why do we have such high (inhuman) cut off percentages for college admissions? On one side we are trying to promote and encourage literacy and education and on the other side we have such high cut off percentages for admission (besides high school & college fees), aren’t we setting off these children to fail? Why can’t we instead build more schools and colleges and sports stadiums and train more teachers and coaches. Why, can’t we address this problem differently, instead of creating problems, why can’t we address the problem with a solution. No house would deny that one of the biggest reasons for unrest at house is to see their children suffer. No pain is more painful for a parent to see their children in pain, and then imagine losing your child to these unrealistic expectations of the world.

This is not all, children have their own challenges too. Challenge to look the best, to fit in, to be valued & recognized amongst their friends and cousins. Aesthetics, Appearance, Popularity etc, all these add up to the existing set of challenges. And then there is challenge which has cropped in our lives, the special dose of social media. We have become slaves of this ghost who has possessed our body and soul.

By the time this child grows into youth, these challenges have compounded into bigger demons and they now have many other tributaries. There are expectations in their relationships, professional courses, getting a job and then excelling in this job, parents, house and owning of other materialistic products, etc. Why have we created a world of these expectations to be fulfilled at a much shorter duration of time.

These keep getting bigger and bigger as we move from one phase of our life to other, the circle of life or wheel of our life, keeps getting bigger and heavier. We became part of this wheel at such a young age that we never realized it and thought that this is part of us. It is like gravitational force, which we don’t feel on us because we are born in this gravitational environment, but unlike earth’s gravity, which remains constant at 9.807 m/s², this force keeps increasing and keeps burying us down.

Let us together break this wheel and try to be happy. Let us say and believe that we are Human’s and

it is as okay to Fail as it is to Win.

It is okay to fall and get up, that’s how we all learnt how to walk. It is okay to sit back or slow down and let others go ahead. It is okay to miss the train or bus. It is okay if your child repeats a class. It is okay if we don’t own that mobile phone or house or piece of clothing. Life does not stop because any of the above happened or did not happen. Enjoy and Value what you have. Feel Blessed that you are still breathing and have people around you. Be patient, for everything changes, bad phase will change to good and good to bad, nothing is constant, though it may seem the current phase will remain till eternity, but it is not. Stop reading about successes only, read about failures too. Embrace failures and losers and celebrate loss.

Stop by and sit with your friends and enjoy that unhealthy snack… make happy memories

Next time when you say “Hello”, stop and say it from your heart and then wait for reply, if you sense something amiss, stay there, hold their hand and ask again. If it’s okay then give a friendly hug and give a comforting look and ask again. Who knows, you might just make someone happy or save someone’s life…. Let’s join to fight this mental instability by reducing the pressure of those three postulates.

Be Happy and Make others Happy too.

JI LE YE ZINDAGI, KYUNKI TU ZINDAGI HAI JEENE KE LIYE.

BAHUT WAQT MILEGA, APNE DARD KA AFSOS KARNE, MARNE KE BAAD.

ABHI TU ZINDA HAI, TOH ZINDAGI KO GALE LAGA

ABHI TU MUSKURA, KYUNKI ABHI HAI ZINDA.

RO LENA JITNA RONA HO, MARNE KE BAAD,

PAR ABHI TOH HASS DE MERE YAAR.

Translated in English

LIVE YOUR LIFE, FOR IT IS TO LIVE.

YOU’LL HAVE LOT OF TIME, TO LAMENT ON YOUR GRIEF, AFTER YOU DIE.

YOU ARE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, SO HUG YOUR LIFE

SMILE RIGHT NOW, FOR YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.

CRY AS MUCH AS YOU WISH, AFTER YOU DEAD,

BUT RIGHT NOW, SMILE MY FRIEND.